My Mother My Mom

Being the youngest of four siblings, I was not the one to get up an give an official family eulogy. Our oldest brother, the oldest son, would contribute that. But as I sat and reflected on this night before my mother's funeral service, I drifted onto many memories of my childhood and beyond, and how my mother was there for me - patiently, always caring, concerned for my well being, and mostly lovingly - there when I needed her.

Mom was in her 88th year, when she passed, and for the most of her years, she had her health. But near the end, over the last two years, she faded and became steadily more dependent, due to congestive heart failure (CHF). Before she went into the assisted living arrangement, she lived with me for about a year. I personally witnessed how she begin to weaken. And as I watched, I became increasingly more aware of how much more she depended on me, and the rest of her children for support. After so many years giving to her four children, and then living independently and alone, as a widow for over twenty-six years, this was now her time of need. After a life of providing, she now needed to be provided for.

Through the Eyes of A Child

As I sat awake this night, two days after she died, my mind wandered. I couldn't sleep, but I couldn't focus either. In the wee hours of the morning, when the rest of the family was fast asleep, I finally began to doze lightly on the couch in the family room. As I rested, I began to remember and dream with vivid detail some of the most tender moments my mother shared with me. In this dreamlike state, I was a young boy - transported backward in time. I sensed and felt the warmest of feelings and emotions that had been lost to me in my thirty years as a grown man. I felt the tender comforts and security that only a mother can give to her little child.

In those precious moments, I experienced again what it was like to have her console me, hold me, and rock me to sleep. I felt her gentle caressing touch, her warm smile as she gazed lovingly at me in her cradling arms. I heard her sweet refrain as her voice sung to me, as my eyes closed and I peacefully drifted off to sleep.

Life Seeks To Repay Its Benefactors

And it was in those spiritually inspired moments that I understood the natural course of events that transpired between my mom and me over the last couple of months. Life's rhythms go in the most natural and beautiful cycles. And now, in this moment of peace, I saw how life had allowed the cycle of love and support to reciprocate upon itself. In the same dream-like state, I saw and felt what it was like to be comforted and loved by my mother, and then to also comfort and love her when she needed it most - her last days. The memories and feelings were so fresh in my mind about how she lay there in the hospital bed, taking her last precious breaths, and looking up at me with eyes expressing love, hope, and appreciation. All the while, I could just simply be there to touch her, smile to her, and speak comforts to her.... the same way she did for me all of those precious times when I was only a child, and needed her so much.

As I awoke from this meditative state, I went direct to my desk and wrote out this poem. The words came from the heart and spirit, and flowed from the memories. It came out in a matter of minutes, and I have never edited it. It is about the love of a mother, how she loved me, and how life sometimes gives us the glorious gift of being able to return some of our mother's love and comfort. Those of us who have been given this gift should consider it a wonderful blessing. It most certainly gave me a sense of peace and contentment during those days, and like the fondest of memories, I have carried them with me since.

I hope you may identify with my little story, mystical night, and inspired words.

In a recent quiet moment, a memory I did find

Soft, sweet, and gentle - one of a different kind

I felt so safe and unafraid, as she tucked me in my cover

And through the mist of many years, I saw my mom, my mother

My weary head began to clear, my heavy heart did lift

I rested there a while more, allowed my mind to drift

I gazed into her loving eyes, and felt how much I loved her

She softly told me "I am here." This was my mom, my mother.

I felt her gently stoke my hair, her kiss upon my forehead

Everything was alright now, I had nothing more to dread

She softly whispered in my ear, the sounds of no one other

Then I closed my eyes and went to sleep. I loved my mom, my mother.

Then in my blissful slumber, a new place I did find

Soft, sweet, and gentle, one of a different kind.

She felt so safe and unafraid, as I tucked her in her cover

And risen now from all her fears, I saw my mom, my mother.

Her burdens now begun to clear, her weary heart did lift

I told her she could rest for now, and allow her mind to drift

She gazed into my loving eyes, as she felt how much I loved her

I softly told her "I am here." This was my mom, my mother.

She felt me gently stroke her hair, my kiss upon her forehead

Everything was alright now, she had nothing more to dread

I softly whispered in her ear, the sounds of God's sweet Psalm

Then she closed her eyes and went to sleep, I loved my mother, my mom.